The Realization

In my last post, I told you that I was hospitalized for meningitis. After my release from the hospital, I was sent to a place here that was just for people with HIV and AIDS that had mental health issues. It was a great place that offered individual and group counseling. It was residential and everyone that lived there had the diagnosis of HIV or AIDS. Although it was the place that I needed to be at the time, I searched for other people like me. This home was co-ed, and housed men, trans-gender people, but I was the only woman there. I searched the internet for other some type of support groups for just Women. There were none! All the support groups or places that offered services for just women had been closed from lack of support or funding. This baffled me, because surely, I couldn’t be the only woman in this city diagnosed with this disease.

I started to volunteer at a clothing closet that catered only to people with this disease. I saw so many women come through there. There was even a woman that lived next door to me that had it. I had so many questions that I needed answers too. I began to ask these women about how they were dealing it and how they got through it. Everyone wanted to be on the hush. I didn’t think that this is an issue that needed to be pushed in the closet.

In September I left this program, I moved back in with my ex husband. I had no idea that at that time, he had AIDS. My ex husband is a veteran and all of his medications comes in the mail. He had opened the package and left it lying on the front porch. I looked inside and realized that he was taking the same medications that I was taking. I was so hurt and angry. How could this man that I had loved been the one to have given me this awful disease. I lived with this man for about seven months after I found out that he was the one that gave me HIV. I HAD to leave!!! I was so angry that I wanted to hurt him. The sad part is that he was still in denial. He couldn’t face the fact that he had AIDS and he still is in denial. He has only recently started to acknowledge that he has it, only because I keep it in his face. I am constantly asking him about his numbers and if he is taking his medicines.

Until next time…take care of your health.

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