The Lost Post

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Somehow or another there was a post that was lost. It should have come between The Realization and The Beautiful Rainbow. I guess it was a bad tech day, my computer didn’t feel like working. According to my tablet in which I do this blog, it is there, but when I try to pull it up from another source there is one missing.

So September 2013, I am living with my ex husband who is living in denial. At the time he had several people rooming with us.One was a girl that was on heroin from Cincinnati. The other was a cross-dressing male from the neighborhood. We are all adults here so I feel that I can speak freely and frankly, but my ex husband was an alcoholic. Whenever he would get drunk, or should I say in blackout conditions, he would want oral sex. At this particular point in my life I was thoroughly disgusted not only with him but with myself. I felt like I was dirty and there was a lot of shame. When I would tell him no, she would tell me that he was going to get the guy in the next room to do it. And honestly that was fine with me…

One night well in a blackout, he finally confessed to me that he was gay. I was so hurt and felt so used. All the years that we have been together basically been a lie. We are talking over 10 years of my life I spent with this man. I knew his family quite well and they have begun to accept me after he & I had been together for about 7 years. It felt as if my whole world was falling apart.

Around this time I started getting to know my mother in law a lot better. She was an Entertainment Promoter and had been diagnosed with terminal cancer earlier that summer. She’d wanted to do a show here in our hometown that was featured on the Black Entertainment Television Network. It was called Black Girls Rock! and she wanted me to work with her or what she called her last show. During this time, this woman and I became very very close. Much closer than we had ever been before, considering that I had been in their lives for 9 years. I begin to share with her some of my innermost secrets including my feelings toward her son.

This woman helped me to find my inner Lady! She made me realize but I don’t have to settle for anyone or anything that wasn’t in my best interest. Within a few months, she taught me to embrace the woman that I am. She instilled in me that my disease was nothing to be ashamed of,
but maybe it was to be a platform for God to use me to help others like myself.

The show, Louisville’s Version Black Girls Rock! was on April 18th 2014. on May 6th I left my ex husbands house and went to live at a homeless shelter. I have the faith that God did not want me to be miserable and that he had something greater plan for my life. A month into my stay at the shelter, my mother in law passed away. I was heartbroken and devastated. it seems that just when she and I are starting to get an understanding, she was taken away. I attended her funeral and was given special leave from the shelter to stay with my ex husband for a couple of days. Although he’s always been an alcoholic, it seems that his consumption increased. Maybe that was his way of dealing with the loss of his mother.

I lived at this homeless shelter for 2 months. It’s hard when you have to be up everyday at 5:30 a.m. and be put out onto the streets at 7 a.m. whether it is raining or hot or cold. We could return for dinner at 4:45 and afterwards there was check in at 5:15. Once you were in you had to stay in until the next morning. There were so many different personalities at this place. Some of the women there are what they call chronically homeless, which means that they have been homeless consistently for a year or more than a certain amount of time within a certain time period.

It was not in God’s plans for me to remain homeless that long. wasn’t too much I had secured an apartment through a housing programs that they have here for people who are chronically ill. I think this may bring us up to speed…

Until next time take care of your health…..

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