It is the day after Christmas and I’m sitting alone in my apartment feeling lonely, hurt and unloved. I thought this year would be different for me because I thought I had someone special in my life.
I have come to find that sometimes people will use our status to hold over our heads to make us become an emotional cripple. Sometimes we search so desperately to find someone that will truly accept us for who we are that we lose ourselves in that person. I think I lost myself. I was so busy trying to make someone else happy that I neglected to take care of my own happiness.
I do not believe that we were created to be alone. I believe that God made someone for everyone, I just don’t think that I have found my someone yet.
I have allowed a man to manipulate me emotionally in order to not be alone. I have stayed in this relationship for months simply because he accepted my disease. Just because a person accepts your status does not mean that they truly accept you.
Nevertheless I attempt to put on a happy face and pretend to the public that all is well with me. It is not! Until I fully accept responsibility for my own happiness, I should not expect happiness from another.
Until next time… take care of your health.