This is getting harder to do…although it may seem that I may have things together in my life…all is not well in my life. I have been suffering from depression. I am seeing a new therapist and I have made an appointment to see a psychiatrist for possible medication.
For a while, I was missing appointments with my HIV doctor and had stopped taking my medicine. I had even made arrangements in the event of my death. I guess in some respects that’s a good thing because if anything should happen my family won’t have to worry about my final preparations, it’s already taken care of.
Along with not wanting to get tested…African Americans have a hard time with therapy and psychiatry. Especially those who are in my generation and older. We were taught that you keep your problems to yourself and just deal with it. For many years I believed that “what happens at home stays at home.” It has caused me countless years of pain and hurt…everyone needs someone to talk to and what better person than one who legally can’t reveal what you say unless you are a danger to yourself or someone else. Therapy also saves friendships lol.
I recently did a public service announcement for HIV. It’s a little scary because I will now be exposed to everyone. Not only will I be exposed but it will expose my ex husband as well… I’m a little concerned about what people will say but for those that really love me and have accepted my illness they will stay. If not, they weren’t meant to be in my life in the first place.
Sometimes I feel like although I love me…I don’t like the condition that I have found myself in. I am a triple minority at this point. I’m African American, a female, and I’m HIV positive. Despite all of that, I am grateful for having a voice and the ability to stand up for those that may not be able to.
Until next time….take care of your health